Throughout my life i have always kind of felt
out of the loop with everything.
As if i’m always just one step behind,
trying to play catch-up with everyone.
I make no excuses, i’m 20 years old and still feel the
same as i ever did back in primary school.
Trying to hang out with the popular kids,
though it never worked because you knew and they new,
that you were different and would never truely fit in
no matter how much you tried.
I guess i shouldn’t be too lardie dah about it,
i’m sure without a shadow of a doubt
that there are others that have or are feeling the same way.
And i guess i thought it was finally time to put pen to paper,
or in this case finger to keypad and start writing my thoughts down!
Granted they may not be truly interesting to some,
but to me at least its a way of
finally unbottling what i’ve felt for most of my life.
Its not so bad now, i know i’m different,
and in this day and age its probably not a bad thing.
Who knows i may meet the man of dreams *cough*
live happily ever after
and that would be the making of yet another
cheesy hollywood rom-com.
Girl is different, girl meets boy through unexpected circumstances,
Might not like each other at first, fall in love and live happily ever after.
Sound familiar to anyone?
Weirdly enough, as i write this now,
with my itunes playing in the background.
The one true person that i love, the ever-talented actor/musician
(gotta love a musician! lol) Robert Pattinson is playing
‘Never Think’
Not sure if that’s wholly appropriate in my case,
as my mind is always going on about something!
But he has that kind of voice that melts me,
because you know he is so passionate about everything he does.
Doesn’t do things half-way so to speak, when he does something,
he puts his all into it and you can tell that comes across on and off screen.
I wish i could be that passionate about something.
Anything!
Look me, rambling on about Robert Pattinson,
when it was just meant to be me writing about my life.
But in a way i guess i’m not sorry about it,
because though i may not know him on a 1 to 1 basis. (i wish!)
He is part of my life, and what makes me, me.
I wish i was even half as talented as this man,
or the female version of him (in a way) Kristen stewart.
The girl is exactly my age,
Strangely enough theres only like a couple of weeks separating us.
Her being the older one,
but it makes little difference either way.
In fact, thinking about it now,
It makes no difference!
Do you ever have those moments where you compare your life to someone elses?
Well i swear i have those on a daily basis,
And not just with Kristen,
though its something that is hard not to think about!
Shall we do a little comparison here?
Kristen –
Acting from such an early age
Absolutely gorgeous,
Grew up in L.A.
Parents both in the film/TV industry
Did i mention EXTREMELY talented actress
Independent and is her own person – her own mind!
And to boot has a not only talented but gorgeous boyfriend
Robert Pattinson
Can you see why he may like love this girl?
Me –
Been extremely awkward from an early age, and behind in school
Not having any real friends up until just recently
Went to university for a year to be a teacher
Dropped out after the first year (my old friend self doubt)
Now working my way up in the same place i have worked since i was 16.
No boyfriend to boot.
Sorry, guess i’m being quite morbid here.
My life isn't bad, practically luxurious when i think of the people in the news,
in the third world with no homes to live in.
It does put it into perspective when you think of it that way though.
And truth be told – i think that i have changed a bit since my awkward days back in primary school.
Feel the same in the inside, but i have grown in confidence and self-belief.
People tell me i’m doing good at something,
And my old friend self-doubt steps in and makes me think
‘Are they telling me the truth?’
‘What aren’t they telling me?’
Don’t know where all of this is coming from to be honest,
I guess i’ve been thinking about writing a blog for a while.
My thoughts.
But never thought all of this would start spilling out,
Old/new anxieties
I guess it was the stuff that happened yesterday that made me think about it
Clearing up my room,
doing what the mother has been on at me for ages to do.
Finding stuff back in secondary school/sixth form that i almost forgot i had.
How i used to write,
What the teachers thought of me in old school reports.
Their belief in me for the future.
But things change,
And at the end of the day, thats life.
Never ending up how you expected it to be.
Guess thats a good thing, and should suck it up,
otherwise life would be boring, dull and
not worth living.
I guess what i need to do now is access life at this point in time,
‘What can i do to make it different?’
‘More exciting’
‘More to live for?’
More experiences ‘under my belt’ so to speak.
And i guess this is the point where i should shut up and stop rambling.
Which i always do, if you hadn’t already noticed!
Imagine me in person,
you’d get a headache like everyone else in my life! lol
but anyway hopefully next time i write,
i’ll be less morbid,
More optimistic about life.
Maybe even a plan for the future!
Who knows?
This post is brought to you with by the letters *L* and *R*
L for life – because life is worth living if you search hard enough!
R for rambling! – what I do the best, and what I should have warned you about from the start! Lol
I would just like to credit this last section, and what i take and continue to take inspiration from. Rose from the ;ROBERT PATTINSON INTOXICATION’ blog. I absolutely love that blog and love that Rose is so truthful, honest and to the point about everything.
Something that I really ought to work on!
